bye bye

September 15, 2006

to all the guys out there this might be the last post i will write (unless i have sumthing really nice to share(which hardly comes)) anyway the reason of this blog is that i wanna say

my love life is all gone, she confessed, she liked ash and she lied cuz she was shy,I hate my life and my source is rite and i should have trusted her i am a fool so bye guys and gurls 


me confuse no more but scared

September 13, 2006

Today was quite a enjoyable day. I have four subjects that i suppose to learn today but i only teacher for 1 subject. Result total chaos. Ps i am a pengawas percubaan. yet i was the loudest. made fair few adult jokes and made the whole class including the 1 next to our class students laugh.

yet the the best time of today was after the skul ends. Y u ask its cuz i met ash. yup the guy that i suspected to shout f**cker at me. and so i asked him y did u shouted f**ker at me yesterday. he said it was not him but his friend shouted f**ker at him cuz he irritated his friend. pheew talk about relief.

So now i am confuse no more. But now i have another problem that is the prom. well 2 frens of mine told me that nothing is going to stop the prom NOTHING so i am happy but i am scared cuz tomoro i am going to ask her out for the prom but *touchwood* if and only if she refuses then i am dead. tomoro is definetly going to be my toughest day. So whoeva reading this blog plz wish me luck ok    

me getting confused

September 12, 2006

This blog is going to be a short 1 yet i had to use paragraphs cuz if i dunt then there a person who might read the blog if i dunt use paragraphs. Anyway here is it goes.


Well as any other tuesdays today my class ended at 1.45 pm this is a happy thing for me cuz if i stay late at skul i can see x. And yes at 1.16 she passed by my class. First i looked but she did not look then if i am not mistaken her friend (the singh 1) told her that i am looking, then she looked at me and smiled. I got my daily dose of energy boost. I can concerntrate better do my add maths better and i was more energetic. 

then at 1.48 my class finished, and i passed by her class but unfortunately she left the class. so on my way back (still at skul) i passed by our skul’s bengkel kh, where ash was having his class, i neva actually noticed it but suddenly i heard him shout at me (i think la 90%) f**ker. First i thought he was just joking then i thought wat my source said may wat she said was true? mayb ash do like x and x did like ash. But i also wonder if it is true that both of them like each other,then why did x said that she did not like ash? mayb she was shy to tell me?


Man my head it going to burst. Now i have another headache my friend sathisan told me that the prom might not be held. If it doesnt how am i suppose to propose to her romanticly? Man life is getting complicated, seriously complicated 

Guys and gals first of all i want to say my billions and billons of thx i neva acctually realised i had this many true frens. My hp neva stop ringing last sunday. Anyway lets cut to the chase.

Well after i had this loss i was always down so my father noticed it and straight away asked “who is the gal?” and I was stunned by this and I dont know wat to do so i did not reply him and went back to my room. I kept did not go down after that. The next day my father came to my room and asked me “wat happened?” and “who is the gal?”.

So i told him everything from a-z. First i thought that he is gonna scold me by telling “this is useless things in and u better go and study”, but somehow things change he actually was sorry for me and gave me some few good advises as though a good fren. Once he started to notice that none of he’s advices is doing anything, he asked me “how much i trust my source?”. So i told him “everything that she tells me that happens during the afternoon session, it happens, so in this case i have to belive her”.

 My father sighed and asked “do u hav x’s hp numb?”. I said “yes”. He said “good” and he asked for “a pen and paper”. I was puzzeled but i do as i told. Later in few minutes he gave the paper back. He told me to call x and tell her excactly wat is written.(talk about having understanding parents, man i neva realise wat a luck boy i am) So i called, she took the phone. I started the conversation by saying ” hello, r u free? yadayadayada, then i asked (its wat written) ” do u accept me as ur fren” she said “yes u r a good fren of mine” then i ask again” if u accept me as ur fren waould u tell me sumthing honestly” she said “yes”. I asked her “do u like ash?” (short form of the guys name) she asked back “which 1, the 2 amal class isit?” i said “yes” and she answered “no not as a bf,y?”. I started to be abit more happier. The next question i asked “can u tell me which guy u like as a bf? dun worry i will keep watever u answer as a secret till the day i die.” she said “nope i dun like anybody yet as a bf”. I was overjoyed. Yet i asked again. “sure ah u dun hav” and she replied “dunla force me, i am telling u the truth i dun have any bf”.

thats it i closed the conversation and shouted like a maniac in my room, my father doesnt seem to care bout this, he was also happy for me. So now my school is going to hav a prom’s day, and so i will ask her out on that day and by the end of the day i will ask her to be my gf. I hope everything goes well. And 1 more thing i wanna ask my apologies to everyone who was sad b’cuz of my previous blog and thank you for being such a good friend so see you bye bye tata                     

another sad day of my life

September 10, 2006

another had just passed. i am still moaning bout the loss i had, but seriously its neither my or x fault. it just happens rite? Anyways another headache is coming fast. Extreamly fast its on 25th of september, my final year exam. neva studied b4 and now i cant study. i cant concentrate on anything everything reminds me of x

gosh i hope i never went to that camp but wat to do past is past. but i have to thank god for letting this love wash away cuz it made realise how many friends i truely have i had many calls and messages for the loss i had they tried to cheer me up.

 i am still sad but kinda proud to have such a caring frens. the funny thing is all of my frens know bout this except my family none of my family members knew i fell in love and broke my heart. mayb they didnt realise cuz i always stay in my room anyways i hope i can refresh my life and help x is wat so eva way hope her love become a success till then bye

my first love life

September 9, 2006

Hi guys and gals. I really appreciate that u took your time and came to look at my blog. When i first started to create this blog thingy, I thought to myself that i need to post something nice and happy so i waited and waited but no happy things came. Alas 1 happy thing, most probably my life best thing came but I was afraid to post it scared that the person involved will read it and it might provoke that person so i kept to myself and few of my closest friends. But now its all gone and it made heart to break to billion pieces. If u r still reading this than it must mean that u care bout me and want to know what happen so i will not disappoint u and i will tell u what happen.

 Back to the beginning this year my class had trouble with the afternoon session cuz my class often finishes at 1.45 p.m and the afternoon session starts at 1.10 p.m so the shifted my class to a new block and my class is the nearest to the gals stairs. Every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday my class Will only finish at 1.45 pm and by 1.10 the afternoon session students will go to their class and so do this gal. (i dun wish to use her name so i use x) My fren shan who sits beside me always say the same thing to me which is “look at that beauty (not that she isn’t) she looks like a good gal and looks more like ur type and u also running solo why dunt u try to tackle her?” and i looked at that gal and replied “poi vera veelaiya paaruda”(translate=go do ur work) he laughed and said “ok ok” but he never kept quite he kept annoying me by telling the same thing again and again and my ans was the same as eva “no” cuz i will love a gal for her heart and not for her beautiness he laughed even more to this.

And so my life went on as boring, as normal as it always been. and few weeks back (21st august 2006) my english club had an one-day-camp so i went there and she too was there and i went to check i am in who’s group and who is my member. i know the leader who is a useless 1 and for my members, none of them i know all were form 2 people and and the activity started. (they had some talk la but that is the boring part so i dun wan elaborate it) The first 1 was to create our teams name and a cheer. (we were doing this at our skul field and at the same time there were some teams playing football) So all of my team members was looking at my so-called-leader for the name and cheer and she was looking at me i was pissed. I mean for gods sake she is the leader she should do this ok even if she dun know y only me? arent there any other people with brain in my group. But i kept this thought to myself and i did give my group a name, disastrous moron and adopted the chelsea’s team song at first i was furious at my group leader so i used to song to sing like this “moron moron,disastrous moron,I’m gonna kick u right up ur ass” once i finished saying the ass word the teacher came i froze and she asked wat is ur teams name and cheer (so she didnt know wat i said, pheeew) and everybody looked at me, so i had no choise but to sing the song but i cant use ass so while i song i was thinking and i changed the last line to “we’re gonna kick u rite up ur shin” teacher laughed and so do others but others laughed bcuz i changed the last line. (in my skul whoeva does the most funniest joke will gain more respect, so i got it among my team)

So we practiced it and i could hear only the boys them i question each 1 of the gals they seem to be mute wen they were asked to shout it was like they were whispering i actually fell down laughing at this which made my members laugh again. Then i made up my mind that this team is useless and i kept tormenting them but surprisingly all they did was laugh, again and again and again. but we seem to do ok, not good but ok. then during the third activity i did nothing and was just standing sing loosu penne song then i heard some gals talk in tamil i turned and there was x and her fren (x usually walks around wit her sing Freon so i thought she also a sing) but wen i see properly it was x talking in Tamil. i was confused so i asked her “do u know Tamil she said “of course i am a Indian Muslim” i was shocked and she asked me Wat i thought she was i told “i thought u were a sing CZ u always walk around wif her” she laughed and we stared to talk alot almost the whole program then during the last activity (which involves water balloons, so do i need to say more) it started to rain so the teacher stopped the whole thing so we had some balloon left and it was like a war.

Fun, extremely fun. once we started to walk back to the canteen i found 1 balloon and i filled it with water and went back to canteen where my group is seated and i asked them “who got wet” everybody except x was wet so i told x that i will throw the balloon to her. At  that time she showed me a face, a pity face which made to actually freeze for sum moment. i simply bullied her to see her pity face i bullied her till her sis came to take back her home. 

I then helped teacher to clean up the mess and it was tiring, very tiring. So wen i got on my bike i thought to myself “ok today wen i go back no lunch no dinner straight sleep till Wednesday(it was Monday). i went back home and went to my room and just slammed my body at my bed. Something happened, something never happen b4, never eva, wen i closed my eyes i did not sleep but i saw a face, a face of a gal, the face of x. i thought to myself “wat is this?” “wat is happening?” “this neva happened before”. i was confused but i was more energetic than eva b4. I did most of my household chores (which i never did b4). Even my father was surprised he asked “wat happened to u u never been like this b4” all i could do is smile.

Things started to change in my life. I started to become a better man. At the same time there is a voice inside my heart that kept reminding me of x. i dun understand wat is this but it seem to give me a strength, a strength that i never had b4. I liked it. For the first time in my life i could wake up at 4 a.m and jog 3 times around my taman. My father was surprised, very surprised cuz i am doing things that he wanted me to do long b4 but neva did. So i waited i waited till the next week Monday where i saw her walking past my class and she smiled, the smile, even an angel would lose at that smile. I was happy, very happy indeed. I told shan everything. He said that i have fallen in love. i thought “is this love?” “if so love must be the best feeling in the world”. So the next day i waited, and waited for her to pass by my class I even made a countdown. shan told me something. He told me that “if i dunt see her today and only today i am sure she will see u for the rest of ur life” and i believed him and did not look at her but i peeked a little bit to see wat she is going to do. she walked, without taking her eyes off me and even turned back and stood for a few seconds to see whether i am watching. i was over the moon too happy that i was speechless. Shan congratulated me he said that “ur love is a success” and so i thought.

The next day i was all eager to see her, alas she came but, she did not look at me she did not smile at me she was not even looking where she was going. It hurts me wen i saw this. I shouted at shan. I told him that it is all his fault. It is his fault that he made me not to look at her yesterday and now she dun wan to look at me. He said he was sorry. But it was not enough his sorry is nothing compare to the smile that i might have had if only i had not followed his idiotic advise.

The next day was holiday so i cant see her i was sad but the memories of her cheered me up. then came Friday, i started to go for a quest, a quest to find her handphone number and i emerged victorious i got her hp numb. Ever since then i started to sms her everyday. and i will get 1 reply for every 10 smses i give. It somehow seem to be fair for me.

Then on Tuesday i was very busy that i did not had time to sms her but at 11.37 my phone rang i looked it a sms from her i was overjoyed (i mean who wouldnt),i did not reply though. All went well, i really liked her. I was daydreaming bout her all the times. then came this Friday. (8th September 2006) Again i wrote a letter. It started with the word “THIS IS NOT A LOVE LETTER” but every word i used was as though to a lover. It was pretty amusing to me. I left the letter at her table. and went back home. At 1.30 p.m my teacher called she said that the afternoon session is having some competition so they need to use p.a system and i am in charge of it. So i had to go to skul again i was lazy to go and happy to go. i went, set up the p.a system i asked the students there “who is going to be the audience?”. he said “only form 2”. I was excited.

Once i have finished setting up the p.a system i went all the way back of the hall and waited. Soon the angel came. she sat down the hall. I adjusted my position so that i can see her clearly. But seeing her from the back is not enough for me i need to see her face so i walked to the front of the hall and back again 96 times to be exact. so once all of this competition finishes i start to pack up the p.a apparatus then from a distance i could see her smiling at me. I was rejoiced. I came back home and took a rest for 30 minutes and went out wit my parents.

Once i came back i straight away came online and opened my msn messenger there i met my source (a gal who is in form 1 in my skul she will tell me everything that happens during my afternoon session) me and my source were talking and the source started to act weird. weird like as tough she is sad for me she asked me ‘wat would u do if x likes another guy”. I asked “who?” and she said its her brothers best fren both of them like each other well. My heart was broken not to thousand or million pieces but billion and billion pieces. I immediately went offline and tried to think hard not to cry. I but tears seem to overflow my eyes and it streamed gently down my face. i cant sleep that nite. i was guilty. i was guilty cuz after all this times she had looked at me as a fren or a brother but i…i imagined another thing. Now my heart in a stage where it is deeply wounded and it seem to hav no cure.

Now all i can hope is that i will recover from this soon enough and be the old me again. This has been a true story of mine. And for those who actually read this whole story till the end, i would like to thank you, thank you for sharing my sadness, and thank you for being my friend….